Open Talk Mom

For I know the Plans I have for You

Posted on06. May, 2009 by Sheilah Warner-Blackledge.

For I know the plans I have for you… plans to prosper you, plans to give you a future.
The thoughts just keep racing in my mind. They are not even real to me. I know they are the Lord’s words but somehow these days, they seem so meaningless to me.

Since I lost my managerial job in automotive 5 and a half months ago, I have struggled with many emotions… some real and some that are not so real. One thing I know for sure is that my severance package is almost gone. My income has gone from $26.00 an hour to unemployment at $9.00 an hour. My bills are going unpaid for the obvious reason of my income being cut by 2/3rds.

It all started this morning with Pastor’s sermon. It was a sermon on Isaiah 40:31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

Pastor had us underline the words “wait” and “shall.” They that wait… They shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not grow weary, and they shall walk and not faint.
As I listened to him giving the sermon on this certain passage, I found myself pretty much in tune with him unlike the last 5 years when I’ve doubted within myself if this was to be my home church after 15 years. I was for the most part intent on what he was saying and on how he described how the eagle, against the adversity of turbulent winds, rises high above the winds and flies safely. He further stated that in turbulent winds, the eagle gains speed as he flies. Wow, I thought of all the adversities that I have faced since loosing my job.

I can say that I loved my job. To me and maybe this is my peril, but to me, my job was my life. Yes, I am married and yes I have a 2nd grade son at home along with 3 other grown and married children and grandchildren, but my job was the most solid thing that I had going. I’m afraid my job was how I measured my self worth.

The story of how I obtained my job in the fall of 1988 is how I find myself weighing the choices that I am faced with today. I was pretty satisfied with my life as a cashier making minimum wage and working about 24-35 hours a week. The desire to move any faster was not a part of the scheme I had for my life.

However, my Pastor, at the time, encouraged me to apply at this automotive plant that was going to “go places.” It would be a good stable job and one that would help me to raise my 4-year-old daughter. Being a product of divorce just 5 days prior to my beginning this new job, I’m not sure that I was in any position to make major changes in my life. I respected my Pastor and the influence that he made on my life. With 60 days prior work history in factory and production I sincerely felt that my application would not be reviewed.

Following an interview with the HR director came the job offer to start work the next day. This was not in the plans I had for my future, but because I was a Christian and a person of prayer, I had placed this matter with my Father on the advice of my Pastor. Having no vacation in my current job in 3 years, keep in mind that it was a part time job; I explained to the manager at the new job that if it would be acceptable with them I could start employment with them after putting in a 2 week notice at my current job and then a week’s vacation. Surely, they would reconsider the job offer once I made my counter offer. This was my way of putting a compromise before God that surely if He did not want me to do this job that he would end it right now and of course if this would be His will, that I would be hired in spite of my wanting to get out of working there. I was hired! With my stipulations.

You know, God has His ways of speaking to us. My procrastination in beginning that job put my start or hire date behind other people. Surely in an environment where seniority counts for advancing oneself from within, that start date counted against me many times. In fact, my employee number was 217 so there were not many people employed before me. Over the next twenty years, I lost job opportunities and shift preference to persons who were hired in the month that I had procrastinated while trying to make sure God wanted me there. God had placed me there at the right time for advancement; however, I was not ready to submit to His will at that time. How good God is. He let me have my time to get His will placed into mine.

At first, I hated my job. I would stand at my workstation and cry for hours and days on end. The parts I worked with were plastic and black. They were ugly and hard and cold. The plant reeked of burnt plastic as molds were being cleaned in the department next to mine. In my department we hard coated plastic parts. That coating was extremely smelly. What a work culture shock. People weren’t what I was used to dealing with.

During my life, I had spent a lot of time volunteering for jobs where people were the customers. This was different, mundane; the hours were long and could vary from days to nights with weekends as an “added bonus”. I hated it! And I was hated there as well. People who were used to factory life laughed at me and thought I was a total imbecile. Only my desire to be an honor to God kept me there. He had placed me there and I wanted to continue to be in His will.

Following a slip and fall accident there, fracturing my spine and tailbone, I had more trouble. While I don’t believe God caused me to fall and become hurt, I do believe that God used this unfortunate happening to His glory. They could no longer find a reason to fire me. I was hurt there and they owed me a job. At any rate, I hated it there. My boss who was not a Christian at the time spoke with me many times about my absences and tardiness. My job performance was good. I am confident that my ability to work speedily and well is what kept me employed. I did not keep it quiet that every fiber within me fought against the job. However, the paychecks kept coming and the money kept getting better.

Eventually the people who hated me when I came there left. I didn’t have those issues anymore. I became pretty dependant on a paycheck. It was nice to be able to go into or call a bank and buy a car the same day. My daughter and I were doing pretty well.

There were five complete management changes during my employment. With each one I gained a new level of respect. During one management who treated me very poorly because of my injury, I fought for the threat of a union to come into our plant.

I had been awarded a position as a buyer. On a Friday before summer shut down, I had one half day of “training” for this job. During the shut down, I spent $600.00 on clothes, shoes and accessories. When shut down was over and I returned to work, I was not given that job, not told I was not given that job and given no job. I was placed in an office put at the back of the shop far away from my new department. I was given a computer that had been locked up. Being a “buyer” one would think that I would have calculator on my computer, but I did not. I had to ask the IS department to put it back on my computer. I was given 2 assignments in those 15 months. One was to get a quote on a new truck, which we never did buy and the other was to get our suppliers K2 ready and compliable to us. Having nothing to do was not easy.

People in the department wondered what I was doing. I was not invited to department meetings with them. I would print out parts of the Bible and put them in folders and read them like a book. I was grateful that I could do that. Don’t mis-understand. I was not ashamed of reading my Bible but folders were a way of giving the appearance of being busy to those who were unsuspecting that I had a “no job” job. Kept people from talking. There were purposely no assignments for me. Once, out of boredom, I got into paint on my computer and made myself a screen saver because that was gone from my computer as well. When IS discovered the screensaver, they removed it from my computer.

Following much prayer, I felt that God wanted me to join forces with the union representatives who had approached our shop looking for support. Being a staunch Republican, unions are not something that I would normally look at, but I really felt the nudging from the Holy Spirit to do this. I really had no real reason as to why. I can tell you that I was afraid to make the stand but at the same time felt strong in doing so. Unions change things and while I really didn’t want a union, we did need our mother company to come in and make managerial changes that would benefit all the employees (I was 1 of about 5 injured people who were being treated badly).

The changes came, the union was defeated and all for the better of our company. I was very much up front with the incoming management there and told them why I had joined the “union camp.” In the end, I was respected for wanting to do what I felt was right for the employees. The decision was never held against me. For that I am so grateful to God. In fact, during the next management, things began to change for me. The new general manager whom I had confided my reasoning to regarding the union stint went to rally for me. He knew that I had been badly mistreated.

My future began to look up. I was awarded a quality position and worked in that department for nearly 4 years. I became established with all the employees in the shop as a person who would, could and did help them by training and nurturing them in their jobs. Being a social butterfly I began to do fundraisers to help fellow employees who had unexpected accidents or illnesses in their or their families lives. I opposed bad supervisors and bad decisions when I found them and gained respect ranging from production workers to management. I began to be looked at for what I could do and was capable of doing. God was on my side. I advanced myself into a supervisor position, the last job I had before the restructure, which took out 32 salaried positions on that Tuesday.

One morning, I awoke to the nudging of the Holy Spirit. God showed me, in a time of study one morning, what was coming down at the shop. I knew that I was not going to be able to save my job and that God was calling me out of it. That afternoon my fellow supervisors were called into the bosses office and he shared what was going on in the shop. Oh my goodness, it was what the Lord had shown me this morning. The next month was very hard on everyone while departments were being changed about, teams chosen. Our department was without a home.

The week prior to my being dismissed I had great peace about it. My legs were giving me a lot of trouble and I could not stand on the concrete for more than 5 minutes. My left leg would sleep and I had no feeling in it. I determined that I would go to school and possibly be a medical coder and biller. My plans were to take my severance package, which ended up being half of what they had said and my 401K to pay my bills off. I did some of this and although my bills looked pretty good on paper, they were not feasible with the demands of every day life. I no longer could replenish my emergency fund. My monthly COBRA insurance bill was very high and while I am using my severance money to pay that, in no way, can I pay a credit card balance of 22K which is a monthly payment of 600.00 per month.

Couple this with a rocky marriage that seems to be going nowhere but down, Pastor’s words today seem “way out there” and in ownership of someone other than myself. The scripture seems fitting to someone other than me, someone who has some sort of bearing on his or her life and on his or her direction. But, and I find it very hard to get into my heart, the scripture was meant for me. I know it was meant for me because as Pastor gave his altar call, he said, for those who feel like they are trapped and going no where, for those who are unsure of their future, etc.. etc… and I said, “well, that’s not me” and I felt immediately in my spirit that it was everything for me. So as soon as Pastor made the invitation to the altar I quickly and unashamedly went to the front. I was the only one there!! Now, in all honesty, during altar calls, I ashamedly can “pick out” who needed that word. Today was no exception. I had someone else picked out… but I was the one and the only one who responded. Today was for me! Now, how do I make today actually apply to my life and get it into my innermost being? I don’t know how!

Pastor’s last words were for us to challenge the scripture. Get closer to God and soar to new heights with Him. Watch the shalls takes place. I guess that is where I am. What peace surrounds me when I can think and reflect on the words “For I know the plans I have for you”, says the Lord, “plans to prosper you, plans to give you a future.”

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